Saturday, October 13, 2012

Life has to be more than just this.

I know it sounds too dramatic to be saying this. But on this birthday, I really feel like asking God why was I even born on this earth 20 years ago.

It feels like nothing in my life is working out for me. None. In every direction I turn, there's always someone's expectations I have to face, someone else's problem I have to care about, or just, no one that sees through to my heart and truly understand how I really feel or who I really am.

If everything has to be done for a purpose or a goal in mind, the purpose will never be as simple as just to make me a happy girl for just one little day.

If everyone needed some care and concern, what about me?

Weekdays are a torture to get through as I look forward to the end of each long trying day.
But right now I'm not sure if my weekdays are worst, or my weekends.

It sucks to self-pity and let myself drown in all these sadness and negative emotions, but this is just too much to handle for a day.

On a night like this, I really, really feel like running away. Running to somewhere so far and dark that no one will be able to find me. It's like building up a wall, like closing my eyes, like curling up into a small corner. I don't wanna fall asleep because I don't wanna wake up tomorrow morning because it means having to face the rest of the world and having to brace myself again. I want to escape. I need to escape. Even if they think I am a coward.

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